I came across an interesting statement by Morgan Freeman today:
“Toxic mothers are just as bad as absent fathers, but ya’ll not ready for that discussion yet.”
One of the prime reasons of toxic personalities is unresolved issues germinating below the surface – and lack of forgiveness is one of them.
What happens when we forgive a person? Here is what happens: we address an offense (one at a time) and then we are able to move on. Granted – addressing the offense is hard work and can be very painful. Depending on the gravity of the offense, it may feel very much like reopening an old war wound, which means we’re bleeding all over again. We want to get to the person(s) involved, we want justice. Understandably so! Well, sometimes those people that have offended us can’t be reached. They might be dead or unavailable. Forgiving a person does not depend on the person who offended us. The work of forgiveness is entirely our business. We have to get through this. We have to sort through our feelings. We have to do the house cleaning.
Who wants to live in a dirty house for decades? Nobody! “Well”, you might say, “What about the person responsible for all the mess in the house? That person left me and didn’t come back to pick up the pieces.” As awful as it is to be left behind with a messy situation, here is what I think: Yes, this person violated you and had no right to do so, but after all, this is your realm, your house. You pick up the pieces or pretty soon other offenses will happen to you, and you’ll find yourself in a situation similar to hoarders who can’t enter certain rooms in their house anymore because it’s full of clutter.
It’s not easy to pick up the pieces and let go. However, it’s much more difficult to live in clutter! We may need a third party to go through this situation with us. It’s important to acknowledge that we need help.
God recommends forgiveness because it’s a healthy lifestyle. God wants us to have an uncluttered mind and a heart that remains soft and generous versus hardened and unrelenting. The effects of forgiving a person and the ability to leave things behind is both freeing and healing. And let’s not forget that nobody is perfect. As much as we need to forgive others, others may need to forgive us too.