The other day I came across an interesting statement by Morgan Freeman:
“Toxic mothers are just as bad as absent fathers, but ya’ll not ready for that discussion yet.” * source: me.me
One of the prime reasons of toxic personalities is unresolved issues germinating right below the surface – and lack of forgiveness is one of them.
What happens when we forgive a person? Here is what happens: we address an offense (one at a time) and then we are able to move on. Granted – addressing offense is hard work. Depending on the gravity of the offense, it may feel like reopening an old war wound, which means we are bleeding all over again. We want to get to the person(s) involved and we want justice. Understandably so! Well, sometimes the offenders cannot be reached. They might be dead or unavailable. Forgiving a person does not depend on the person who offended us.
The work of forgiveness is entirely our business. We have to get through this. We have to sort through our feelings. We have to do the house cleaning. “Well”, you might say, “What about the person responsible for all the mess in the house? That person left me and didn’t come back to pick up the pieces.” As awful as it is to be left behind with a messy situation, here is what I think: Yes, this person violated you and had no right to do so, but after all, this is your realm, your house. You pick up the pieces or you will find yourself in a situation similar to hoarders who cannot enter certain rooms in their house because it’s full of clutter.
It is not easy to pick up the pieces and let go. On the other hand it is much more difficult to live in clutter. We may need a third party to go through this situation with us. It is important to acknowledge that we need help.
God recommends forgiveness because it is a healthy lifestyle. Forgiving a person and moving on is freeing. Nobody is perfect. As much as we need to forgive others, others may need to forgive us too.